


dear clay.

by Anonymous



Category: Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Dream is an asshole, M/M, Real names are used, Sapnap Needs a Hug (Video Blogging RPF), Unrequited Love, make up your own scenario type beat, sad because i’m sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 20:40:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29922528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: i remember the day i woke up and you were immediately all i thought of, when i fell asleep and you were in my dreams. maybe that’s why i never sleep anymore.—sapnap writes a letter to dream.
Relationships: Clay | Dream/Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 38
Collections: Anonymous





	dear clay.

_ dear clay, _

_ i’m supposed to be writing a letter to someone i have an emotional bond with. stupid, right? we don’t even talk anymore. and i know when it comes to it, i’ll end up just dealing with an F for this assignment. i’m supposed to be thanking you? writing things i love about you? i guess. but it doesn’t make sense, you could be a whole different person now and i wouldn’t know. you definitely wouldn’t tell me. nobody would, they all pity me anyways.  _

_~~ it’s not the same without you ~~ _

_ i wish things were different but, things change i suppose. we change. it was bound to happen one day. it’s okay. you’re happy. and so am i, i think. i don’t know. i feel like shit. the bags under my eyes are pointed out ten times a day and i don’t eat as much as i should, but i’m alive. i beat myself up multiple times a day for the fact that i can’t even get up and turn my computer on. it’s so hard, so much work. i can’t find the motivation to even text people back, and i feel like a burden when i do. i dissapear for weeks and come back like nothing happened just to do it over again. what’s the point? _

_ the only time i get to hear you is on your streams, but i’ve learned that every time you say something, i can’t help but wish you would just shut up. who are you to just sit there, unfazed, while i’m over here fucking my life up. did you ever care about me?  thats stupid. i know you did, or you atleast said you did. even when it was over you told me i could always talk to you. but it’s not that easy. it was never that easy. _

_i couldn’t handle losing you. i couldn’t help that voice in the back of my head that screamed at me every time i even typed out how i was feeling. i didn’t want you to worry. to drop everything you were doing just because of what i was feeling_. _i_ _ know knew you. that stupid voice you did to try to comfort me. the jokes. the fucking songs you would sing, the ones that i would fall asleep to. waking up and realizing you’re still fucking there. in the call. with me. did you feel it too? _

_ i wish we never met. i wish you never gave me that stupid nickname. i wish you would’ve just forgot about me. i wish you would’ve stopped being so fucking oblivious and realized how everything you say makes me want to break down and cry, and to this day i don’t know if that was good or bad. i wish i didn’t fall so deep in love with you and i’m not even out of it yet. i can’t stop, clay. i can’t stop thinking about you and it fucks me up so much.  _

_ i remember when i realized how bad it was. i remember the day i woke up and you were immediately all i thought of, when i fell asleep and you were in my dreams. maybe that’s why i never sleep anymore.  _

_ i wish we could talk again. i would kill for just a minute of your time again. i would do anything to rewind and redo everything. maybe we’d still be bestfriends. maybe we’d be in a call right now, as i type this stupid letter.  _

_ i feel so pathetic. i look so pathetic. why am i so affected over this? i hate you so much, clay. i hate you so fucking much. but i miss you so fucking much. i wonder if you miss me. do you think about me as much as i think about you? i can’t believe i’m fucking my life up because of how much you’ve affected me. its to the point where i stay up late reading our old messages, the stupid hopeless words that meant so much at that time. now it’s just exhausting.  _

_ you’ve ruined every experience for me. everytime i drive, i think of you. everytime i’m asleep, i think of you. everytime i’m in class, i think of you. it feels like some big pit in my stomach that just keeps getting deeper and deeper. it won’t go away and it’s your fault. _

_ i was in love with you and you knew. you knew the whole time and proceeded to just use that as an excuse to fuck with me and i let you. do you feel good about yourself, because i sure as hell don’t. but it’s fine.  _

_ i was going to tell you i loved you. but i’ve done it enough and everytime you use it to push me down, so i’m done. fuck you, actually. i can’t believe i’m writing this stupid letter anyway. maybe i’ll throw it out, or even worse. maybe i’ll send it to you so you feel bad for once in your life, but i doubt it. you’d probably find it so funny, huh? _

_ hope life is good for you, clay. _

_ — nick.  _

**Author's Note:**

> um, yeah!


End file.
